


Please Be Patient

by Silver33650



Category: Xenoblade Chronicles 2 (Video Game)
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Crack, Gen, Humor, Medium awareness, Obligatory Celebratory Smash Announcement Fic, Spoilers, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-14 19:48:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29547492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silver33650/pseuds/Silver33650
Summary: Malos waits to fight the heroes, but they got a bit sidetracked. One of them even got recruited for another game, apparently. Spoilers for XC1 too.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 24





	Please Be Patient

Once upon a time Malos was feeling antsy because nobody had shown up to stop him from ending the world yet. This was a huge problem, as villany was an act best performed with an audience, and he was quite eager to get on with the apocalypse. He became so annoyed that he ventured out from the Aion Hangar to search the First Low Orbit Station for the heroes, and could not find them anywhere. He couldn't find them in Elysium, he couldn't find them near the Rhadamanthus Portal. He even checked in on the Architect, who shrugged and muttered something about how this was usually the time of the game where protagonists tended to take their time. 

So Malos fast traveled to all the Titans hoping to find them, but was confused when he couldn't travel to all of them. He was even more confused when, standing on the docks of Argentum, he spotted Azurda, strangely in his Titan form, approaching. Malos ran to meet them, crossing his arms and tapping his foot as the heroes disembarked. 

"Where the hell have you guys been?" he demanded. "I know you guys have probably been doing a few side quests, but this is ridiculous."

"Oh, sorry, Malos," Rex said. "But Pyra and Mythra were invited to Smash, and every once in a while, Gramps gets picked to be the stage."

"It's a great honor," Azurda mentioned. 

"What the hell," Malos said. "Why wasn't I informed?"

"Mostly because the trailer was very unclear about where in the plot we are," Nia answered. "So we weren't sure if you were too busy or not."

"I've been sitting alone in the First Low Orbit Station waiting for you guys for months!" 

"I'm really sorry," Rex said. "But I'm only halfway through awakening all the core crystals I've picked up, and I'm still missing about half the rare Blades, and haven't even started on the side quests for the half I do have, so we're probably gonna be a while still." 

"Fuck," said Malos. "Where's Mythra? I'll talk to her and get you fools back on track."

"Oh, she's still there," Rex said. "She's fighting with Shulk right now."

"Who?"

"The kid that the evil half of the Architect is possessing."

"We've already got a pretty terrible half of the Architect right here!"

"If it makes you feel any better, they're fighting a frog, a cardboard cutout, a potted plant, and a pink ball that steals people's hats," Rex said. "Plus about fifteen other sword users."

"I think there were more than that," Nia said.

"What?!" Malos' confusion only grew. "How do I get to this Smash place?"

"Well, you could take a Titan through the Save Data Cloud Sea," Nia said, "but you need an invitation, or they won't let you in."

"I'll make them let me in."

"I wouldn't count on that," Rex said. "They're very picky about who gets in. On the bright side, if you're willing to wait a few more months, we can get you a Pyra and Mythra amiibo and you can fight them instead?"

"What the hell is an amiibo?" Malos took a deep breath and tried to calm down. "Whatever. At least I'm not the only member of the Trinity Processor who isn't there."

The group looked uncomfortable. "Uh," Rex said. "You wouldn't believe what sword Shulk has."

  
**MEANWHILE, IN SMASH**

Pyra gazed at the sword in her hand in wonder. She felt very fortunate that Shulk had let her hold it. "Magic Monado blade," she said solemnly, "what do I have to do to win a battle against a level nine CPU?"

There was a slight pause. Then, " _Nothing_ ," came Alvis' voice from the blade. 

Shulk and Pyra both looked at each other in awe, while off to the side, Luigi scoffed. "I could've told you that," he muttered. 

The end. 

**Author's Note:**

> "luigi wins by doing absolutely nothing" videos are an absolute delight


End file.
